Venus of Willendorf and the voluptuous female shape

A quick background:
In my first year Art history class I was introduced to the Venus of Willendorf figurine by Prof Duffy (bow tie and all - the type of character you find only in Charles Dickens novels).

I was completely fascinated by this little statue. Not by the exquisite detail or the skill, but by the fact that someone took the time to carve that shape out of stone. To spend that much time means you are either unemployed or it must be something so important or close to your heart that you would take the time to do it.

What I could not fathom is how someone could be so fascinated by that shape.

In the words of Allan Comittee "She was the Britney Spears of her time, literally the first rock star".
Quite a statement and it would explain the fascination and obsession required to carve the figure yet, if we have a look you might notice she is not exactly the body type we worship these days:

A body shape like that will never be on the cover of anything else than "Archaeology Monthly" or "Artifact Digest" yet in her time she would have been the equivalent of Charlise Theron. Huisgenoot would do a sob story on her horrible life and subsequent discovery, FHM would have her posing on a horse, PC format would have her holding a RAM chip and Time magazine would put her on the backpage wearing a diamond encrusted Raymond Weil watch - although in her time the diamond would still be a lump of coal.

So exactly how much did things change?

A few years ago my wife was lying on the couch and as I walked by I commented that she reminds me of Manet's Olympia. It was suppose to be a compliment but oh my, did that backfire!

I received a very angry message the next day after she researched it asking me if I really thought she was so overweight. 

Here is Olympia: (My wife was clothed if you were wondering)

I still think she is beautiful and yes I know she was most probably a prostitute, but why spoil a good compliment with the facts.

Little things like these stuck in my head and all the while I wondered in fascination how anyone could love the voluptous shape of the venus figurine.

Now I am going to  slowly wade into very murky and dangerous waters. 

Disclaimer:

"To Yvette, my lover, friend and all round awesome wife, if you read this understand that it is in no way a comment on weight. I urge you to read, and keep all opinions, in context. 

I understand and acknowledge that the following might result in a ban from the bedroom and I will move my sleeping bag to the couch in the event of such ban."

January this year I found out I am going to be a daddy. We are entering the 2nd trimester now and the baby bump is starting to show. The pregnant female form has never been very appealing to me and yet, when I noticed the bump for the first time something must have switched in my brain because I don't think she's ever been more beautiful and appealing than now... and the further she grows the better it gets.

For the first time I understood the love for the voluptuous figurine and suddenly Prof Duffy's explanation of fertility symbols made sense. It wasn't the figure per se, but what it represented that was so lovingly captured by that artist. In my head he was also a daddy, watching his little one grow and his wife become more radiant everday.

I now understand and feel a kinship with that artist stretching back to 22,000 BCE.

For the first time Venus of Willendorf looks, well... damn hot.

On PC's and Mac's - still dont get it

This is an old post from a previous blog so I decided to move it here since it became relevant again after a conversation with a colleague

"
After spending a whole weekend installing software on the ibooks I must admit I was impressed with the operating system and overall aesthetic of the iBook so when the opportunity presented itself I went into the Apple store to ask someone tell me more and explain to me why I should pay R16 000.00 when I can buy the same spec PC for R11 000.00.

I spotted a person, looking suspiciously like the "PC Guy" from the Apple ads wearing a black shirt with the wording "Switch'er - someone who just woke up from a dark PC coma" or some similar nonsense. Thinking that obviously this would be the person to convince me I approached him and listened to the whole sales pitch. I mentioned I'm a PC user and of course he wanted to know why. I explained that the software I use is only available for PC and I would therefore probably never switch.

At this point I could see sinister lights flaring in his eyes and realised I just gave him the hook and bait with which to catch me.

In a smug voice he proclaimed "But Windows runs on Mac!” "But surely it's a special version of windows - I need DirectX etc so it must be the true PC version of Windows" I countered with.

He was like a gunslinger. Without hesitation he hit me with his reply, "It runs on Intel - it is the exact same hardware and therefore the same software - you have no excuses left"

I stood in dazed confusion waiting for the dust to settle. I slowly patted the dust of my clothes and looked up at him.

"Let me get this straight - you want me to buy the same PC with the same hardware as the above mentioned one, all neatly camouflaged in an Apple shell for an additional R4000.00.?"

"Yes, but this one is smaller and thinner" he retorted.

I was dumbfounded, "you mean you actually give me a smaller screen, take about 10mm from the height and then charge R4000.00 more?

His answer? "Sorry Sir, I'm actually one of the technicians and not a sales person - let me call one for you".

Mac users - it seems you will fall for any sales pitch as long as it sounds cool. Don’t you think it should be concerning when a company selling a product invented to increase productivity concentrates its marketing on the aesthetics and "coolness" of their product?

Seriously - I don’t get it..."

Getting a license in the Eastern Cape must be a breeze

I have always maintained that the worst drivers in our country are the ones with an EC number plate. They seem to just have that special mix of ignorance and incompetence.

Next time you are out on the highway have a look. 

The car driving in the middle of two lanes - EC.

The car changing  4 lanes in Bacchleugh peak traffic without using the indicator once - EC

The little hatch taking up two parking spots - EC

The car coming straight at you up the one way -EC

The car going 55kmh in the fast lane through Midrand listening to David Kramer - EC

I could go on...

 When you see an EC plate - keep a very safe following distance.

I decided however to start recording evidence as to justify my claims.

Here is the first one:

The one person who made it next to impossible for everyone to use the entrance at the Open Day(while there was ample parking inside)

 

Check the number plate.

Why do we still get shafted?

I am really getting sick and tired of the companies that, for some reason I am still loyal to, screwing us over every chance they get. Surely with online shopping opening the world to the consumer they would be a bit more cautious?

Why the rant?

Let me tell you...

Yesterday I was killing time in Exclusive Books (computer books section) when I found this book.

After paging through it I glanced at the price and felt a little spasm in my eye. R554.00! This for a book with only 360 pages and very few illustrations... or colour for that matter. I assumed that it was probably one of those special out of print limited edition printed on the paper from the ashes of the author after he died books. Turns out it isn't.

A little online shopping revealed the following:

www.take2.co.za:  R382.00 - shipping included.


Buying the book directly from the publiser(O'reilly)  will cost you $59.73 (Priority Air Mail shipping included). This means that for R455.41 (conversion from XE.com at the time) I can have the book delivered to me  - from experience ussualy within 10 days. But wait, there is more, I can also choose another book free of charge and the shipping cost won't change. If I can get that deal buying one - surely our friendly local distributor receive a bulk discount also? hmmmm....

Let's dig a little deeper.

The sticker on the back of the book reveals the local distrubutor is Intersoft (www.intersoft.co.za).

If I buy the book from them it will cost me R 349.97.

Much less than the price of importing it myself. So they do get a bulk discount....hmmm.


In other words the Exclusive books markup, if we assume they dont get a bulk discount, is R204.03 per book ... hmmmm

I know they have to pay the rent but they might want to keep in mind that it is far more convenient to shop from my PC than to sit through the waste of time called shopping at the mall (traffic, parking, attendants - i could do another rant on this too).

and on that note. If you want to argue that I pay for the conveneince of not having to wait. For an additional $4.00 (R30.00 - still cheaper than buying at store) I can download the ebook version (about 5 mins download time) meaning I can happily read it on my Ipod, PC, laptop or cellphone while I wait for the delivery.


I am turning my back on you EB, our friendship is over...

Special relativity proven

As I understand it the Theory of special relativity states that as something moves faster time slows down around it. I have proven this beyond any doubt.

The faster you run on a treadmill the longer time stretches. At a full jog 5 minutes will stretch to infinity.

Strange things happpen in this temporal anomaly. Vision turns red, your lungs fall out of your body and your legs turn to jelly. In extreme cases you will lose all control of bodily functions...

The days we thought would last forever

First I need to give credit where it is due. My writing of this blog and some of the conventions is inspired by the Ginga Ninja, a dear friend who started a chronicle of her diet and social adventures. Very funny.

In my humble opinion my life is currently extremely tedious and not really anything to write about but today, sitting in traffic thinking about friends that have come and gone (some of them in the process of going) I had one of those moments of reminiscing and realised that while I may not have anything of note to report at the moment (hoping to change that) I do have some great past adventures that I would love to share. Some were those moments that still have you in stitches when you recall it, some you had to be there and some are just dear to me.

 One of the memories most dear to me includes an old friend of mine. I shall refer to him as The lawyer.

It was the last night of 1996. White people were coming out their bunkers after:

A)    They realised the dreaded 1994 uprising was not going to happen.

B)    They ran out of canned food.

Roxette was big again after releasing their Hits CD, everyone was dancing the Macarena, Tom Cruise was screaming “Show me the money” and the Fresh Prince was chasing aliens.

We were on a game farm near Hoedspruit and being teenagers we were not going to go into 1997 sitting in the middle of nowhere. After some deliberation we decided we would go to Swadini (Still Aventura in those days – anyone remember Overvaal Resorts?). We commandeered one of the cars, with permission, and took an ice cold bottle of 5^th Avenue Cold Duck Champagne, without permission. I assume the grown-ups wondered about that one later.

Thinking back the deliberations went on longer than expected because the time was on the later side of 23:00 and we had some distance to go. We arrived at the gates at around 23:30 (there is no traffic in Hoedspruit at midnight) only to be told that the gates closed at 19:00 and that there is no way we would get in unless we had a reservation – which we had not.

So our options were:

·         Go back to camp.

·         Go to Fort Kapiba – a no fly zone for anyone not carrying a gun or who was an easy target for anyone wishing to pick a fight. We qualified on both accounts.

Back to camp then! We tried some low flying to make sure we make it in time but halfway realised we weren’t going to make it. When the countdown started on the radio we slammed on the brakes and with the dust still settling jumped out of the car to open the champagne. We were on a tarred road in the middle of nowhere and by now the 5th avenue Cold Duck had turned into 5th avenue Warm Duck

The corked popped on cue and everyone took swigs and exchanged hugs and kisses. I may need to point out at this stage that there were in fact girls too.

After a while it was getting a bit cold and the girls opted to sit in the car while The Lawyer and I figured out the asphalt was still warm from baking in the sun all day.

We lay down on the road and look up at the most breathtaking sky. Thousands of stars were glittering in a moonless sky as clear as crystal. It felt as if there was no end to it and lying there we felt small and insignificant, yet looking at the vastness of space above us there were moments when it felt like you can almost grasp your place in the big scheme of things.

It might have been fatigue, the magic of the moment or even the 5^th avenue Warm Duck but to this day no starlit night has touched me quite like that one.

Lying on the warm tar in the middle of nowhere turned out to be one of the best New Years evenings ever.. apart from the one when I kissed my wife the first time.. but that is another story.

Windows Shortcuts - some usefull keyboard shortcuts

Original Blog where I found it here

 Use the Windows  Key

The Windows key is the one with the Windows logo located  between the     and keys on the left side of the keyboard.

Windows Key	Start Menu
Windows Key + E	Windows Explorer
Windows  Key + F	Find
Windows Key + D	Minimize  all windows
Windows Key + D	Expand windows
Windows Key + R	Run
Windows Key + L	Lock  Computer
Windows Key + M	Minimize all windows  (but it will not maximize them)
Windows Key + Pause	System  properties
Windows Key + Tab	Cycle through  the buttons on the taskbar
Windows Key + U	Launch  the Utility Manager
Windows Key + Ctrl + F	Launch  Search for Computers
Windows Key + F1	Launch  the Help and Support Center

Keyboard  Shortcuts

These shortcuts work in almost any Windows  application.
 

Ctrl+C	Copy to  clipboard
Ctrl+N	New
Ctrl+O	Open
Ctrl+P	Print
Ctrl+S	Save
Ctrl+V	Paste
Ctrl+X	Cut to  clipboard
Ctrl+Y	Redo
Ctrl+Z	Undo  ( this is a single undo)

Other Ctrl and  Alt Combinations

 

Alt + Tab	Toggle  between open applications (see below)
Ctrl + Tab	Toggle  between open documents (not all applications support this)
Alt  + F4	Close current application
Ctrl + F4	Close  current document